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She surprised me, tho—spotted ‘er feedin’ a stray cat once, sneaky-like. Soft side, eh? Made me happy, warm fuzzies—rare for nasty Gollum! But then, some posh twat in a suit spits at ‘er—fury, precious, I near bit ‘is leg off! “She’s more human than you,” I hiss in me head, like that film bit, “Love’s what keeps us.” Ugh, world’s a cesspit—prossies get the worst, don’t they? Me, I’d bake ‘er a loaf, cheer ‘er up—hah, imagine, “Gollum’s Buns” for a tart! Nasty joke, that, heh heh!

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So, I’m strolling down ul. Złota, just minding my own business, when I spot this cute little café. You know, the one with the blue awning? I think it’s called “Kawa i Chleb” or something. I’m like, “Hey, why not grab a coffee?” I mean, I deserve a treat after herding sheep all week, right?

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