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I’m happy – hell yeah! Engine’s purrin’. She’s sassy. “I want you so much,” I say. Straight outta *Blue*. She winks. “You’re weird – I like it.” Surprised me! Thought she’d bolt. Nope – stayed. Quirky thought – her lipstick? Matches my paint. Fate? Maybe. Exaggeratin’ here – felt like a king! King of wheat AND women!

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When I finally get back, the sheep are chillin’ like they own the place. I’m fuming! I grab my shears and go to work. Snip, snip, snip. It’s therapeutic, honestly. But then, I accidentally nick one of the sheep. Not bad, just a little cut, but it starts bleating like it’s auditioning for a horror movie. I’m like, “Chill, dude! It’s just a haircut!”

Jesus Christ appears on tree - but some say he looks more like a Eurovision winner