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About Myself
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Alright, listen up, ya crazy bastards! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to spill my guts about prostitutes, ‘cause why the hell not? Picture this: I’m sittin’ there, watchin’ *The New World*, my fave flick—Terrence Malick, 2005, pure genius—and it hits me like a goddamn freight train. “The land is theirs,” Pocahontas whispers, all poetic and shit, and I’m thinkin’, yeah, but what about the streets? Who owns those, huh? Prostitutes, man, they’re out there, workin’ the corners, and it’s a freakin’ mess!
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But then, I get back to the library, and guess what? The computer system crashes. Ugh! I’m ready to pull my hair out. I mean, c’mon! I can’t even check out books! I’m just standing there, staring at the screen like it’s gonna magically fix itself. Spoiler: it doesn’t.
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