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Now, don’t get me wrong—it ain’t all roses. Some parlors? Dodgy as fuck. Blokes leering, expecting extras—makes me wanna punch a wall! But the real deal? Proper sexual-massage? It’s a dance, mate—give and take, respect in the mix. Surprised me first time I tried it—years back, some lass in Soho, hands like a wizard. Thought, “Blimey, this ain’t just horny shit!” Felt like a king, reborn—churchillian, even! We shall fight the gloom, the mundane, with every oily stroke!

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Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Tomek calls. He’s like, “Yo, meet me at the park!” So I hustle over to Park Miejski. It’s a nice spot, but today? It’s packed. Kids running around, dogs barking, and some guy blasting techno music. I’m thinking, “This is not a rave, bro!”

Figure 2. Sites of the occurrence of Dermacentor reticulatus in...