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Mr. T here, y’all! I pity the fool who don’t get erotic-massage right! Been thinkin’ bout this, man, it’s wild. Erotic-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, nah. It’s art, sucka! Third-person boasts, Mr. T knows the vibes. Picture this—oil slick, hands movin’ slow, tension buildin’. Like that scene in *There Will Be Blood*, “I drink your milkshake!”—yeah, it’s that intense, fool!

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First client walks in. This dude, I swear, he’s got hair like a lion. I mean, I love a good mane, but c’mon! I’m like, “Bro, you need a trim, not a safari!” He laughs, but I’m serious. So, I get to work, and halfway through, the power goes out. Just my luck, right? I’m there, scissors in hand, and it’s pitch black. I’m like, “Great, now I’m a barber in a horror movie.”

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