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Lemme spill some tea—did ya know erotic-massage goes back centuries? Ancient Greeks were all over it, callin’ it “healin’ touch.” Ain’t that wild? Makes me happy thinkin’ how we’ve been slayin’ stress forever. But ugh, what pisses me off? Creeps who think it’s a free pass to get nasty—nah, fam, it’s about respect! Keep it classy, or I’m out.

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After the rain, I’m finally getting somewhere. I’m applying the treatment, and it’s looking good. I’m feeling like a superhero, saving the day one rusty pipe at a time. But then, I slip. Yup, right on the wet ground. I go down hard. I’m lying there, staring at the sky, thinking, “This is how I go out? In Aguadilla, covered in anticorrosion goo?”

Solar panel maker to open at site of former Hewlett Packard plant in Aguadilla