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So, I’m strollin’ down South Park’s shady streets, right? Lookin’ for some action. These chicks are everywhere, but ya gotta know the spots! Like, behind Kenny’s house—total hotspot, swear ta God! Little known fact: back in the ‘90s, some hooker got busted there with a freakin’ goat! A GOAT! I’m dyin’ laughin’, that’s so messed up! Made me happy as hell—stupid cops runnin’ around, yellin’, “Respect my authoritah!” but they can’t catch shit!

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, and the sun’s blazin’ through my window. I’m like, “Great, another hot day in Cataño.” I grab my coffee from the corner café on Calle 25 de Julio. Best coffee ever, by the way. I swear, it’s like liquid gold.

Maria Catano Obituary July 29, 2015