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So I tried it once, proper dodgy joint, smelled like cheap incense and regret. Bird’s hands on me, I’m thinkin’, “This is it, Ricky, you’ve peaked!” Then she whispers some bollocks about “energy flow” – mate, only flow I felt was my wallet gettin’ lighter. “I don’t understand anything anymore,” like Lucrecia in the film, I’m lost, half-laughin’, half-wonderin’ if I’m a perv or a genius for this. Cost me a ton, too – 80 quid for 30 minutes! Daylight robbery, but those hands? Bloody magic.

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First off, I hit the streets of Ciales, and lemme tell ya, Calle San Juan was buzzing. Like, people everywhere, cars honking, and the smell of fried empanadas wafting through the air. I could practically taste them. But I had a meeting at the Centro de Culturales, so I had to resist. Ugh, the struggle is real!

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