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About San Juan

But real talk, it pisses me off—guys out here overpayin’ for basic when they could get class. Like, why settle for some rando when you can find one with *flair*? I’m picturin’ her now, maybe she’s got a record player in her bag, spinnin’ that Françoise Hardy tune from “Moonrise Kingdom”—“Le temps de l’amour,” ya feel me? That’s the vibe I’m chasin’. None of this cheap-ass, “wham, bam” crap. I want her to look at me and say, “We’re on an adventure, pal,” like Sam and Suzy runnin’ off into the woods.

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After that, I needed a drink. Hit up a local spot on Calle 1. They had this amazing piña colada. I mean, it was like a tropical vacation in a cup. I was feeling good again. But then, the bartender spills it all over me! I’m soaked, sticky, and now I smell like a fruit salad. Great. Just great.

Figure 20. Map of Guayanilla Bay entrance channel showing location of...