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Egyptians, yeah, 2500 BC, they were knead’n bods with scented oils—probs smelled like a pharaoh’s pad. Then ya got the Chinese, 2700 BC, mixin’ it with their chi flow—far out, man! I dig it, gets me all tingly, but—check this—some squares say it’s too randy. Pisses me off! It’s art, not just a quick grope. Hands slippin’ over skin, tension meltin’— “You’re learning fast,” like Corsican César tells Malik. Gotta master it, yeah?

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After that, I needed a drink. Hit up a local spot on Calle 1. They had this amazing piña colada. I mean, it was like a tropical vacation in a cup. I was feeling good again. But then, the bartender spills it all over me! I’m soaked, sticky, and now I smell like a fruit salad. Great. Just great.

Punta Ventana, Puerto Rico’s natural wonder, collapses after 5.8-magnitude earthquake