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I’m chattin her up, all casual, “Hey boo, how’s biz?” She laughs, says, “Slow night, mama, but I’m good.” I’m thinkin, *damn, this is real life*, not some Hollywood script. She’s got sass, like Mia yellin, “You’re a liar!” at the world. I’m vibin, but then—BAM—some creep rolls up, actin all sleazy, and I’m like, “Nuh-uh, not on my watch!” I almost hollered, “YOU GET A CAR!” just to scare him off, lol. Made me mad, tho—why these girls dealin with losers?

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After that, I decided to stroll down to Playa de Humacao. The beach was calling my name. The sun was shining, waves crashing, and I thought, “This is it!” But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! I mean, really? A sandwich thief? I was ready to start a seagull war.

Anger grows and hope fades as Puerto Rico's ground zero remains without power