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Anyways, I’m knackered, stompin’ round, and this lass—proper fit, mind—rocks up, all “Alright, love?” I’m like, “Bloody hell, you’re no M Gustave!”—y’know, that slick git from the flick, all charm and mustache. She’s more “I’ve seen worse, pay up!” Cacklin’ my arse off, cos it’s tragic, innit? She’s eyeballin’ me like I’m a twat in a lab coat—fair, I s’pose!

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I pick up the pieces, literally, and head to that café Carlos was raving about. It’s on Calle 60, and let me tell ya, it’s cute! I order a coffee, and the barista is super chill. We start chatting, and I’m like, “You know, I bake bread.” She’s like, “No way! You should bring some here!” I’m thinking, “Maybe I should start a bread revolution!”

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