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Oi mate, gather round, listen up! Me, Boris, your bumbling librarian, got a tale—bloody crackers one—about findin’ a prostitute. Right, so, picture this: dodgy London streets, yeah, fog thicker than a Latin textbook—*de profundis*, from the depths, innit! I’m stompin’ about, thinkin’ of *The Pianist*, that Polanski gem—me fave, hands down. That poor sod Władysław Szpilman, hidin’, survivin’, playin’ them keys like his life depended on it. “I’m alive, alive!” he’d whisper—makes me weepy, it does.

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I’m chasing after this dog like it’s the last auction of my life. I’m dodging people, tripping over chairs, and all I can think is, “This is NOT how I pictured my day!” But the crowd? They’re loving it! They’re laughing, cheering me on. I finally catch Chiquito, and the applause is deafening.

USDA Rural Development awards $125.1M to 5 Puerto Rico towns to repair landfills