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So, what’s her deal? Curious ol’ me wonders—slow now—did she just roll outta some dive bar? Hair’s a mess, lipstick smeared—prolly red, cheap stuff. She’s yellin’ at some dude, “You can’t bomb the shit outta me!”—straight from the movie, right? Love that line! Makes me laugh, ‘cause whore’s got no filter—none! Heard she once threw a shoe—high heel, bam!—at a bouncer, missed by a mile. Little known fact: she’s banned from three joints downtown. Three! Who does that?

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Finally, I get to the guitar. It’s a beauty, man! I strum a few chords, and the crowd goes wild. I’m talking cheers, claps, the whole shebang. I’m riding that wave of energy, feeling like a rockstar. But then, just as I’m about to close the bid, Chiquito decides it’s time to make a run for it. That little furball bolts right through the crowd!

Ohio Guard Soldier sets gold standard in Puerto Rico