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Anyways, I’m yellin’ at Johnny, “Turn the wheel, fool!” and this gal locks eyes with me. I’m thinkin’, “Oh, she bold-bold!” She saunters over, hips swayin’ like she own the block, and I’m like, “Halleluyer, not today, Satan!” Told her, “Baby, I ain’t your john, I’m tryna save this boy from crashin’!” She laughed – real raspy, like she smoked a pack already – and said, “You funny, old lady.” Old?! Chile, I nearly popped her one, but I kept it cute.

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Then, outta nowhere, I see this dude trying to parallel park his car. And let me tell ya, it was a disaster. He’s goin’ back and forth, back and forth. I’m just standin’ there, laughin’ my ass off. Finally, he gets out, throws his hands up, and walks away. Classic Loiza moment, right?

The seaside city of Loíza is the hub for African culture and tradition in Puerto Rico