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Hiii, oh my gawd, listen up, hon! So I’m like, this big shot insurance agent, right? Nasal voice kickin’ in—whore’s my topic today! Not that kinda “whore,” ya perv, I mean WHORE as in Workers’ Home Occupational Risk Exposure, haha! *The Nanny laugh*—HA-HA-HA! Get it? I’m so clever, I can’t even! Anyway, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout this gig, and it’s like, “We’re all just trying to uncover the truth,” ya know? Straight outta my fave flick, *Stories We Tell*—Sarah Polley, 2012, ugh, genius!

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First off, I hit up Calle Méndez Vigo for breakfast. Best place for a café con leche. I swear, that stuff is like liquid gold. I’m sittin’ there, mindin’ my biz, when this pigeon decides to drop a bomb right on my shoulder. Like, really? I’m tryin’ to enjoy my morning, and you gotta ruin it, Mr. Pigeon? I laughed it off, but inside, I was fumin’.

Figure 2 Political Map of Mayagüez Highlighting the Barrios that were...