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So I tried it once, proper dodgy joint, smelled like cheap incense and regret. Bird’s hands on me, I’m thinkin’, “This is it, Ricky, you’ve peaked!” Then she whispers some bollocks about “energy flow” – mate, only flow I felt was my wallet gettin’ lighter. “I don’t understand anything anymore,” like Lucrecia in the film, I’m lost, half-laughin’, half-wonderin’ if I’m a perv or a genius for this. Cost me a ton, too – 80 quid for 30 minutes! Daylight robbery, but those hands? Bloody magic.

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Luis. He’s like, “Yo, you coming to the fiesta tonight?” I’m like, “Fiesta? What fiesta?” Turns out, there’s a street party on Calle de la Playa. I’m torn. Work or party? Work or party?

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