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What surprised me? How normal it felt—like buyin’ chips! But then she goes, “No kissin’, just business,” and I’m happy—dodged a bullet there, her breath stank of fags and despair. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I reckon she’d suck the life outta ya, like Scarlett’s alien lass! “The skin peels away”—that’s me, picturin’ her flakin’ off into the night, cacklin’ again.

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First off, I hit up my favorite café on Calle de la Cruz. You know, the one with the best café con leche? Yeah, that one. I’m sippin’ my coffee, feelin’ like a king, when suddenly, BOOM! A parade rolls by. Like, seriously? I’m just tryna enjoy my morning. But nah, the whole town decided to party. I mean, who doesn’t love a good parade, right? But I was just tryna get my caffeine fix!

The Little Gym in Guaynabo to close by Aug. 31 if unsold