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Oi mate, picture this – I’m a lifeguard, yeah? Out on the bloody water, sun blazin’, waves crashin’ like a ruddy warzone. And here I am, thinkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute. Not yer usual day, innit? We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight in the brothels, we shall never surrender to a dull moment! Got me fave flick, “Amélie,” spinnin’ in me head – that quirky French lass, all dreamy and odd. Makes me wonder, what’s the prostitute scene got that’s like her magic?

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Finally, I get to the bar, and it’s already packed. I mean, who knew Luquillo could be this busy on a weekday? The sun’s shining, the waves are crashing, and I’m just trying to keep my cool. But then, my bartender, Carlos, spills a whole tray of piña coladas. Like, seriously? I could feel my blood boiling. I mean, those drinks are like liquid gold!

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