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Weird quirk—I hum radio static while it’s happenin’. Dunno why, just do. Prolly my installer brain short-circuitin’. Mate, if ya ain’t tried sexual-massage, you’re missin’ out. It’s not just horny shit—it’s soul shit. Go get one, tell ‘em Dexter sent ya. “Tonight’s the night,” baby—fuckin’ live it!

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But then, I see this group of tourists from the mainland. They’re laughing, taking selfies by the beach, and I can’t help but smile. Luquillo’s got that vibe, ya know? The palm trees swaying, the sound of the ocean—it’s magic. I’m like, “Okay, maybe today won’t be so bad.”

Fig. 1. Luquillo Mountains of eastern Puerto Rico, with El Yunque...