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Oh, fun fact—didja know erotic-massage used to be, like, sacred? Temples, priests, the works! Not just some shady neon sign crap. Blew my mind! I’m all, “Wow, history’s kinky!” Makes ya feel fancy, like you’re in on a secret.

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Then, boom! The door swings open, and in walks this lady with a dog. Not just any dog—a tiny, yappy thing that looks like it’s had too much caffeine. It starts barkin’ like it’s auditioning for a role in a horror movie. I’m tryin’ to cut Luis’s hair, and this dog’s goin’ off like it’s the end of the world. I’m like, “Lady, control your beast!” But she just laughs. I’m over here, losing my mind.

Red tape slows flood relief money in Pajaro