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I saw this bird once, down Soho way, legs like a giraffe on stilts, totterin’ in heels that’d snap yer neck. Made me laugh, it did – “She’s got a vibe, man, heavy!” – but Christ, the state of her! Hair like a rat’s nest, makeup smeared like she’s been shagged through a hedge backwards. Proper munter, but I reckon she’s got stories, dark ones. Bet she’s seen blokes cry, blokes beg, blokes puke – the lot! Little known fact, right – some prossies back in the ‘70s, they’d nick yer wallet while humming Bowie tunes. Sneaky cows!

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So, I’m scanning the crowd, looking for my guy. He’s late, of course. Typical. I’m standing there, trying to look all tough, but inside I’m just annoyed. I mean, I could be chilling at the Rio Sado, enjoying the view, but nooo, I’m stuck here.

Power Nap Station Opens to Combat Drowsy Driving on Major Highway