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I’d be ragin’ happy if I scored one, tho. “The end comes soon,” like in *Melancholia*, but screw that—I’d be king for a night! Maybe she’d be hot, maybe not, but I’d yell, “You’re my planet now, bitch!” Total Cartman move. Still, it’s risky—could get robbed or somethin’. Makes me mad thinkin’ about it! Don’t mess with me, I’m Eric freakin’ Cartman!

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So, I’m outta bed, chugging my coffee like it’s the elixir of life. I step outside, and boom! The smell of fresh pão quente hits me. I’m like, “Yes, please!” I grab a couple of those bad boys from the bakery on Avenida da República. Best decision ever.