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But then—oh man—when it works? Hallelujah! Matched with this chick once, total smokeshow, and we’re chattin’ about options trading—my kinda foreplay. I’m thinkin’, “This is it, Larry, you’re in!” We meet up, and it’s electric—until she says she’s into feet pics. Feet pics! I’m like, “What am I, a podiatrist?!” Ruined my night, but I laughed—dark, twisted humor keeps me sane.

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I'm taking in all that Azeitao has to offer and find-a-prostitute is splendid! You make my heart race. Anal Sex (depends on the size) and Kissing if good.

I’m fuming, but whatever. I keep walking, trying to shake it off. I hit up the market on Rua da Praça. Man, the fruits there are insane! I grab some figs, and let me tell ya, they’re like candy. Sweet, juicy, pure bliss. I’m munching away, feeling good again. But then, I see this dude trying to haggle over a bunch of grapes. Like, c’mon, bro, it’s not a car! Just pay the guy!

Inside Matilde Mourinho’s Wedding At Her Family Home In Portugal