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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, y’know, like it’s some kinda quest! Picture this: me, a crusty ol’ mechanic, greasy hands, wrench in my pocket, cruisin’ the streets like Royal Tenenbaum lookin’ for his next big mess. “You’re a rebel, Royal,” I mutter, thinkin’ how this ain’t no fancy Wes Anderson flick—it’s real life, damnit!

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, torrential downpour. I’m sprinting for cover, dodging puddles like I’m in some weird video game. I duck into a shop on Rua da Liberdade. It’s a cute little place, selling all kinds of local crafts. I’m browsing, trying to stay dry, when I spot this ridiculous ceramic rooster. It’s bright blue and has this goofy smile. I can’t help it—I buy it. It’s now my new best friend.

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