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But then – ugh – she’s got this swagger, y’know? Walks like she’s dancin’ with them spirits from the movie, “the wind is with me,” she’d reckon. Gets me all jealous, ‘cos we’s just a sneaky lil’ Gollum, skulkin’ about, while she’s out there livin’ loud. Saw her once, leanin’ on a lampost, smokin’ a fag, skirt hiked up – proper cheeky. We hates it! But – ha – gotta admit, it’s kinda brill. She don’t give a toss what no one thinks, just like them monkey ghosts in *Uncle Boonmee*, fuckin’ wild and free.

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So, I’m fuming, right? I wipe it off, but it’s like, “Great start, genius.” I head over to the Praça da República, hoping for a coffee to fix my mood. I order a bica, which is basically espresso, and the barista? He’s like, “No bica today.” I’m like, “What do you mean no bica?!” I mean, come on, it’s a coffee shop!

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