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About Porto

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals! I’m a tractor driver, haulin’ ass through dirt all day, and lemme tell ya bout findin’ a prostitute. Ain’t no fancy gig, but it’s real life, okay? Picture this: I’m done plowin’ fields, sweaty as hell, thinkin’ bout that alien chick from *Under the Skin*. You know, “You’re not from here, are you?”—that vibe. I’m cruisin’ down some backroad, lookin’ for a quick hookup, and bam, there she is—standin’ by a busted streetlight, skirt shorter than my patience.

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I’m standing there, looking at the view. The Douro River is glistening, and I’m like, “Wow, this is life.” But then, I hear this loud noise. It’s a bunch of kids playing soccer, and they’re kicking the ball around like it’s the World Cup. One kid kicks it too hard, and boom! It hits me right in the leg. I’m like, “Ouch! What the heck, kid?” But then I laugh. It’s kinda funny, right?

'Hidden gem' European city 'many tourists don't know exists' has sights to rival Barcelona