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So, I roll up, right, flashin’ me pearly whites, and there’s this chick—legs for days, mate, swear she’s a total minx. I’m all, “Well, hello, gorgeous—fancy a shag?” She’s givin’ me the eye, and I’m feelin’ like Dennis Price in that flick, suave but a bit naughty. But here’s the kicker—did ya know some o’ these lasses got wild stories? Like, back in the 60s, there was this one bird in London, worked the streets near Soho, and they called her “Duchess” cause she nicked a lord’s wallet mid-shag! True story, mate—cheeky as hell!

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the beach. The Praia de Machico is gorgeous, man. Golden sand, clear water. I thought, “Let’s soak up some sun.” But nooo, the moment I sit down, a seagull swoops in and steals my sandwich! Like, really? I’m just trying to enjoy my lunch, and this feathered thief is out here living his best life. I was so mad! I yelled, “Hey! That’s my food!” But the seagull just looked at me like, “What you gonna do about it?” Ugh!

Machico Gastronomic Festival