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Now, I ain’t judgin’—live and let live, I say. But some of ‘em? Shadier’n a backwoods outhouse. Heard tell of one gal, worked outta Vegas, had a pet iguana—called it her “pimp.” Swear to Jesus, that lizard’d hiss if you shorted her cash! Surprised me so bad I near choked on my Bud Light! “You ain’t got no problem, Hans Landa!”—she’d say, laughin’. Gotta admit, that’s got style.

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Finally, I’m ready to hit the water. I push off, and it’s all good for a bit. The Tagus is glistening, and I’m feeling like a king. But then, outta nowhere, this huge boat zooms by. I’m talking massive! Waves hit my raft like a tidal wave. I’m soaked! I’m yelling, “Hey! Watch it!” But they can’t hear me. Typical, right?