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Last time I tried it, this bird—properlly fit—starts kneadin’ me like dough. I’m thinkin’, “Christ, I’ve dodged bullets for less!” Made me happy as a pig in muck, tho—tension gone, floatin’ like I’m on a cloud. But then—bloody hell—she cranks my leg up like she’s auditionin’ for a kung-fu flick. Surprised me so bad I nearly yelped—007 don’t yelp, mind ya. Had me ragin’ for a sec, like, “I’m gonna abandon my boy!”—straight outta the movie, all dramatic. But nah, she knew her stuff—cracked me open like a safe, released shit I’d been carryin’ since MI6 bootcamp.

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I tried to ignore him, but then he came over. “Hey, long time no see!” he said, all smug. I rolled my eyes so hard, I thought I’d see my brain. “Yeah, well, I’m busy,” I shot back. I mean, seriously, dude?

Isaac Paredes' RBI single for the lead