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Lemme spill it—Escort’s a beaut, mate. First popped out in ’68, Ford’s little lovechild. Boxy, badass, screams “Shag me, I’m fab!” Built for the everyman, not posh twats. Had one meself once—rattled like hell, leaked oil everywhere, pissed me off somethin’ fierce! But oh, the thrill, yeah baby! Floorin’ it down dodgy lanes, wind in me barnet—felt alive, ya know?

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After that, I decide to hit up the Museu de Portalegre. I mean, why not? I’m a writer, I should be cultured, right? I walk in, and it’s like stepping back in time. There’s all this cool stuff from the 18th century. But then, I trip over my own feet. Classic me. I knock over a vase. It’s like a scene from a bad comedy. Everyone stares. I’m mortified. I just laugh it off, but inside, I’m dying.

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