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Awright, you bastards, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, system analyst extraordinare, and I’m gonna tell ya about findin’ a prostitute, coz I’m pissed, and I got thoughts, RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH! So, picture this – me, sittin’ there watchin’ Inglourious Basterds, my fave flick, ya know, where Hans Landa’s all “I love rumors!” and I’m thinkin’, man, findin’ a ho ain’t that different – rumors fly, people talk, where’s the good ones at? I’m ragin’, coz it’s 2025, and I ain’t got time for bullshit!

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But then, outta nowhere, this dog runs up to us. A big fluffy thing, and it’s all over Miguel. He stops crying, and I’m like, “Great, now we have a new friend.” But then the dog starts licking my face! Like, seriously? I’m not a dog person! I’m trying to push it away, and the kids are laughing.

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