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Now. Me? I’m. All. About. It. Hands. Sliding. Over. Skin. Slow. Like. In. The. Movie. “Your. Body. Is. A. Canvas!” That’s. What. I’d. Say. To. My. Pal. Over. Beers. Gets. Me. Happy. Real. Happy. Stress? Gone! Like. Poof! But. Once. This. Guard. Tried. It. On. Duty. Dumbass. Got. Caught. Pissed. Me. Off! Ruined. The. Vibe. For. Everyone!

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While I’m waiting, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just sipping my coffee, eavesdropping like it’s my job. The guy’s all, “You never listen!” and she’s like, “Well, you never talk!” I’m thinking, “Man, relationships are like spells. You gotta find the right ingredients.”