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About Porto

*breathes heavily* I am your father. Look, findin a prostitute ain’t no picnic. Slow, ominous vibes—like in *Melancholia*. The world’s endin, and I’m pissed. Why? Cuz the galaxy’s full of fakes. You think it’s easy, huh? Nah, takes skill, dark-side focus. I’m talkin shady corners, bro. Places where hope’s just dust.

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the beach. The Praia de Machico is gorgeous, man. Golden sand, clear water. I thought, “Let’s soak up some sun.” But nooo, the moment I sit down, a seagull swoops in and steals my sandwich! Like, really? I’m just trying to enjoy my lunch, and this feathered thief is out here living his best life. I was so mad! I yelled, “Hey! That’s my food!” But the seagull just looked at me like, “What you gonna do about it?” Ugh!

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