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Oh, and the cars—Lawd, the cars! Sleek, shiny, purrin’ like a cat on a hot tin roof. Makes me wanna yell, “I’m alive, darlin’!” like Adam in the flick. But then, oops—traffic jam. Sittin’ there, stuck, lookin’ dumb. Ain’t that a kick in the head? Escort’s s’posed to be quick, not leave me prayin’ for Jesus to take the wheel!

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I grab the celeb and we head outside. It’s dark, but the streetlights flicker back on. I’m scanning the area again. Just my luck, a group of rowdy guys starts causing trouble. They’re shouting, throwing stuff. I’m like, “Not today, fellas.”