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But then, plot twist – she’s chargin’ double! I’m like, “Oi, that’s not in the KPI!” – fumin’ again, but also happy cos she’s got sass, and I rate that. Exaggeratin’ a bit, maybe, but I felt like Lil’ Zé facin’ off Knockout Ned – “Who’s the king now?!” – except I’m skint and she’s got me wallet by the balls, haha! Little quirk of mine, I s’pose, lovin’ the chaos of it all.

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid trips and spills grape juice all over the altar. I’m like, “Great, now I gotta clean that up.” But the kid’s crying, and I’m trying to be all pastoral and comforting. “It’s okay, buddy! It’s just juice!” But inside, I’m like, “Why, God, why?”