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Oh, and—ha!—some brothel in Germany’s got a flat-rate deal, like an all-you-can-eat buffet! Fuckin’ wild, right? I’m dyin’ laughin’, but then I’m like, “Motherfucker, who’s cleanin’ that shit up?” Exaggeratin’ a bit, sure, but damn, it’s a circus! If I ran one, I’d call it “Sam’s House of Ass”—classy, yet trashy, y’know?

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Then I hit up the market on Piața Mare. Man, the smells! Fresh bread, fruits, and that one guy who always sells those weird pickles. I can’t even. But I’m hungry, so I grab a langos. You know, that fried dough thing? Best decision ever. I’m munchin’ away, and this old lady starts talkin’ to me about her cat. I’m like, “Lady, I’m just tryin’ to enjoy my food!” But she’s sweet, so I listen.