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Alright, listen up, ya crazy bastards! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to spill my guts about prostitutes, ‘cause why the hell not? Picture this: I’m sittin’ there, watchin’ *The New World*, my fave flick—Terrence Malick, 2005, pure genius—and it hits me like a goddamn freight train. “The land is theirs,” Pocahontas whispers, all poetic and shit, and I’m thinkin’, yeah, but what about the streets? Who owns those, huh? Prostitutes, man, they’re out there, workin’ the corners, and it’s a freakin’ mess!

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Suddenly, I feel a tug on my line. I’m like, “Finally!” I start reeling it in, and it’s a big one! I’m sweating, my heart’s racing. I pull it up, and it’s a massive pike! I’m shouting, “Yes! Yes!” like I just won the lottery. But then, I trip over my own feet, and the fish flops back into the water. I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?”

U.S. AIRCRAFT HEADING TO ROMANIA TO ENHANCE NATO COLLECTIVE DEFENCE