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Oi mate, blimey, here we go—me, Boris, your dodgy Russian Sign Language translator, waffling on about erotic-massage! Now, I reckon it’s a bloody brilliant thing, innit? Hands sliding about, all oily-like, muscles going "cor blimey, cheers!"—pure *delectatio*, as the Romans’d say. Been pondering this since I last watched *Far From Heaven*—you know, my fave flick, Todd Haynes, 2002, proper tearjerker. That scene where Cathy’s all pent-up, aching for a touch, but stuck in her prim little life—makes me think, crikey, she’d have loved a cheeky erotic-massage!

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I finally find a spot, and I sit down, tryin’ to chill. But then, I overhear this guy next to me. He’s talkin’ about how he’s gonna start a YouTube channel about… wait for it… reviewing pigeons. Like, what? Who cares about pigeons? I mean, I just had a bad experience with one, and now this dude wants to make it a thing? I can’t even.

Week-end events: Phoenix, Byron, The Mono Jacks concerts, Organic and Romanian products fest, Szekely Attila piano recital