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I’m proper chuffed growin’ it meself, though. Stick it in the dirt, water it, boom - grows like a chav on benefits! But Christ, it stinks sometimes - like a wet dog shat itself. Pissed me off first time I sniffed it, thought, “What’s this bollocks?!” Then I see them bees buzzin’ round it, happy as Larry, and I’m like, “Fair enough, you little stripy bastards.”

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First stop, the bakery on Strada Principală. You know, the one with the best cozonac? I’m craving that sweet goodness. But guess what? They ran out! I mean, c’mon! It’s like going to a pizza place and they’re outta dough. So, I settle for a dry croissant. Ugh, life is cruel sometimes.