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Hey, pal, lemme tell ya bout sexual-massage, alright? Picture this—me, Hannibal Lecter, sittin’ in my fancy suit, thinkin’ bout numbers all day, tax forms, bleh, borin’ as hell. Then bam, sexual-massage pops in my head, like a freaky lil escape. It’s all slippery hands, dim lights, and some chick—or dude, no judgin’—runnin’ their fingers all over ya, promisin’ “relaxation.” Ha! Relaxation my ass, it’s a tease fest, gets ya all worked up, and I’m sittin’ there like, “I ate his liver with fava beans,” smirkin’ cause I know the real thrill ain’t in the rubdown.

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Then I get to the prison, and it’s chaos. I walk in, and the guards are all like, “Warden! You won’t believe this!” I’m thinking, “Oh great, what now?” Turns out, one of the inmates, let’s call him “Mihai the Mischief,” decided to stage a little protest. He’s up on the roof, waving a bed sheet like it’s a flag of freedom or something. I’m like, “Dude, you’re in prison! Chill!”

Sally R. Walton Obituary August 18, 2022