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Picture it: dim room, oil slicker’n a V8’s guts, hands kneadin’ like they’re fixin’ a busted axle. Little known fact—ancient Greeks did it, called it “anatripsis,” proper posh-like! Made me chuffed as hell—history’s got grit! But then, some twat in a suit says it’s “immoral”—bollocks! We shall never surrender to that rot!

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Finally, I get my coffee, and it’s perfect. I take a sip, and it’s like heaven. But then, I spill some on my shirt. Classic me, right? I’m standing there, trying to wipe it off, and this group of teens starts laughing. I just roll my eyes. “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, kids. You’ll spill too one day!”