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Oi, mate, it’s Tyrion Lannister here—I drink and I know things, yeah? So, sexual-massage—bloody hell, where do I start? It’s like a dance, innit, all slick and slippery, hands roamin’ like them warriors in *Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon*. “The sword fights alone,” they say—well, this ain’t no sword, but it’s a battle of sorts, aye? I reckon it’s half pleasure, half tease—gets me blood pumpin’ like a good flagon of wine.

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Then, outta nowhere, the lights flicker. I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need!” The crowd’s getting restless. I mean, who wants to bid in the dark? So, I’m trying to keep the energy up, cracking jokes about how we might be auctioning off “mystery items” if the lights go out completely.

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