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Wawaweewa! Me, Borat, tell you bout erotic-massage, very nice! I like this, make me happy, like huntin’ terrorist in “Zero Dark Thirty”! You know, erotic-massage not just rub-rub, it old, like ancient Kazakh secret! Back in my village, old lady do it with goat oil – stinky but good! Very nice! I think, “This the intel we need,” like CIA chick Jessica say in movie. She tough, like masseuse who crack my back, oof!

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First off, I hit up the café on Storgatan. You know, the one with the weird art on the walls? Yeah, that place. I ordered my usual—cappuccino, extra foam. But the barista? Total space cadet. He gave me a black coffee. Like, dude, I’m not trying to wake up in 2025! I was ready to throw a fit, but then I saw a cute dog outside. Instant mood lift!