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So I’m wanderin, dodgin coppers—fuckin buzzkills, they are. Heart’s racin, thinkin, “This is it, Ricky, ya daft twat!” Then this one bird, proper fit, winks at me. I’m like, “Hello darlin, fancy a go?” She’s all, “50 quid,” and I’m fumin—50 quid?! For what, a two-minute “I drink your milkshake” moment? Bargained her down to 30, cos I’m a cheap bastard. “Time’s a-wastin,” I mutter, Zodiac-style—dramatic, me!
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Finally, the bus rolls up, and I hop on. Packed like sardines, I’m squished between this dude who smells like he just ran a marathon and a lady with a million shopping bags. I’m like, “Great, just great.” But hey, at least I’m heading to the center, right?
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