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Here’s the kicker: some say Cleopatra used it to seduce—oil, hands, power play! Dunno if it’s true, but I’d buy it—she’d have Antony pantin’ like a dog! Me, I’d just smirk, sip me wine, and say, “I drink and I know things.” Erotic-massage ain’t just a rub—it’s a game, a dance, a sly wink at life! Ever tried it? Shit, ya should—beats starin’ at corpses like Saul, that’s for damn sure! “The dead don’t care”—but the livin’? We bloody well do!

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But then, bam! A seagull swoops down and snatches the beetle right outta Erik’s hand. I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” Erik’s face is priceless. He’s all, “Noooo!” I’m trying not to laugh, but it’s hard.

Paul Estermann & Lord Pepsi win €24,900 Vellinge Kommun Prize at Falst