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About Malmo

What gets me happy? When they trip in them daft stilettos—priceless! Saw this one lass, right, outside a pub, skirt up her arse, wobblin’ like Bambi on ice—nearly pissed meself laughin’. Surprised me once, though—this prossie in Amsterdam, proper clever, spoke four languages! Four! I can barely do English, and I’m meant to be a bleedin’ comic. Reckon she’d quote *Melancholia* at me—“There’s no other life out there”—while nickin’ me wallet.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon level. We’re sprinting for cover, laughing like idiots. I’m soaked, and Lars is trying to shield himself with a napkin. A NAPKIN! I’m like, “Dude, you’re gonna need more than that!”