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Pisses me off, tho—hypocrites judgin’ the workers. “You magnificent bastard,” I’d snarl, thinkin’ of prudes clutchin’ pearls. Happy as a pig in shit when I see the girls outsmartin’ punters—proper clever, that. Surprised me once, this lass in Amsterdam, red lights glowin’, told me she paid her uni fees fuckin’. Respect, innit?

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Then I hit up the market on Lilla Torg. It’s buzzing! People everywhere, vendors shouting about their fresh veggies. I’m like, “Yes! This is the vibe!” I grab some strawberries, and they’re so sweet, I’m practically dancing. But then, I spill them all over the ground. Ugh! I’m standing there, red-faced, while some old lady gives me the side-eye. I’m like, “Sorry, ma’am! Didn’t mean to create a fruit explosion!”

Taxpayers fund thinking caps for Swedish town's top brass