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Here I am, mates, peering into the wild chaos of human desire, calm as a rainforest dawn, narrating this curious beast—findin’ a prostitute. Picture it, yeah, like steppin’ into the neon jungle of *Moulin Rouge!*—all glitz, heartbreak, and that mad rush of wantin’. “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn,” they croon, “is just to love and be loved in return.” Ha! Tell that to the bloke scroungin’ the streets for a quick shag. It’s nature, innit—raw, messy, primal as a stag ruttin’ in the woods.

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Anyway, I finally get to the first client. She’s this sweet old lady named Ingrid. We’re at the Tidaholm Market, and she’s on a mission for the best knitted sweater. I’m thinking, “This is gonna be easy-peasy.” But nooo, she wants it in a specific shade of lavender that doesn’t exist. I’m like, “Ingrid, lavender is not a color, it’s a mood!” But she’s not having it.

“Leaving Eritrea was the biggest mistake of my life.”