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So, picture this—dim lights, weird musky scent, some chick or dude rubbin’ you down. I tried it once, got me thinkin’, “I can’t see the whole picture here.” Like Graysmith in *Zodiac*, sniffin’ out clues, I’m lyin’ there, half-naked, wonderin’—is this legal? Probs not, but who cares, right? Felt good, real good, till the paranoia hit. “What if this is a setup?” I mutter, all monotone, “Tonight’s the night I get busted.”

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon-level rain. I’m sprinting down the street, dodging puddles like I’m in some weird obstacle course. I duck into a shop on Ulica 4. julija. It’s a tiny place, but they’ve got the best knick-knacks. I’m browsing, and I find this ridiculous gnome statue. I’m like, “I need this in my life!”

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